


it sinks its roots into the cracks (until the structure's coming loose)

by madasthesea



Series: Nice work, kid [18]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Dynamics, Gen, Jealousy, Miscommunication, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Pregnant Pepper Potts, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 08:47:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18340229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madasthesea/pseuds/madasthesea
Summary: “I can’t believe Tony Stark is gonna have a kid.”The worst part is that Peter’s first thought is, He already has one, followed by the sinking realization that that isn’t quite true.





	it sinks its roots into the cracks (until the structure's coming loose)

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: i just keep thinking about a pregnant pepper and an insecure peter thinking that tony will forget about him but what he doesnt know is that tony has been referring to him as the baby’s big brother this whole time.
> 
> Title from Grow by the Oh Hellos (slightly altered)

The worst part is, Peter’s happy for them. Really, actually happy for them. That never goes away. The worst part is that he learns that you can be really happy for someone and really sad for yourself at the same time and that it’s a contradiction that eats you inside-out until there isn’t room for happy or sad around the guilt of being both.

When Tony tells Peter that Pepper is expecting, he promises not to tell anyone (except May–Tony knows that Peter doesn’t keep secrets from May unless they will scare her). And he doesn’t tell anyone. Doesn’t ever really feel the desire to, and that should have been his first sign.

The news eventually breaks though, gossip magazines speculating about Pepper’s baby bump and talk shows debating whether Tony will be a good dad for a month and a half before the Starks actually say yes or no.

Ned comes up to him that day at school.

“Is it true that Pepper Potts is pregnant? Did you know?” Ned isn’t usually one to get excited about that kind of thing, but it is  _Tony freaking Stark, Peter_. 

“Uh, yeah,” Peter says, a little breathless. “They told me two months ago.”

“Wow.” And then, in a moment of no-filter-Ned that always comes out at the worst times, he says. “I can’t believe Tony Stark is gonna have a kid.”

The worst part is that Peter’s first thought is,  _He already has one,_ followed by the sinking realization that that isn’t quite true. 

“Yeah,” he says around the sour taste in his mouth. “Crazy.”

The hurt takes root and wraps around his ribs, tightening with every breath.

 

The happiness is still there. It’s there, burning bright in his chest every time he sees Tony practically glowing with joy. They go shopping for cribs together because Pepper’s at work, then they spend an hour trying to assemble it and don’t succeed and Peter’s laughing so hard it hurts and it’s easy to pretend that’s why his eyes burn with tears.

 

It’s an impossible subject to avoid. Two women on the subway are outlining Tony’s questionable choices on the ride between Midtown and Astoria.

“I don’t know,” one of them drawls. “Do you really think someone like that can be a good dad?”

 _He’s the best dad._ Peter swallows and turns up his music, wishing he knew why he feels like throwing up.

The happiness bubbles up from his toes and the pain creeps up from his fingers and they fight for dominance in his stomach.

 

He’s at the Starks’ for dinner and Pepper and Tony are having one of their playful arguments that sometimes turn into real arguments but always make Peter smile.

“I’m just saying, she won’t have to worry about bullies! Look at her family!” Tony cries in response to Pepper turning down another ridiculous name.

Peter furrows his brows where he’s setting the table.  _Family? Why wouldn’t he just say parents?_  

A tiny spark of hope singes the heartbroken weeds in his chest until he remembers Rhodes. 

_Of course. Uncle Rhodey. Fullbird Colonel and an Avenger to boot._

He nearly drops a plate when he realizes that he needs to stop calling Rhodey ‘Uncle Rhodey’ now.

 

May gets him a book on learning how to deal with a younger sibling when you’ve been an only child all your life. 

Excitement makes his toes tingle until he curls them, but the grief is sinking into his bones now, suffocating it. 

It isn’t about sharing a family. It’s about losing one. And he’s already been orphaned enough.

He goes into his room and hides the book under his bed and cries.

 

Two weeks before the due date, Peter sleeps over at the tower for the last time. He’s already taken pictures of every inch of his room so he can try to remember what it looks like after. 

He makes his way onto the balcony long after Tony and Pepper have gone to sleep. He wants to memorize the skyline, the lights and the sounds so far away and the feeling of being here, on top of the world.

He pulls his knees up to his chest and feels the tears slipping down his cheeks. He cries a lot, nowadays, and once he starts he can’t seem to stop.

The roots of the weeds have woven through his veins and muscles, cracked his bones. He is all hurt and longing now and he can feel it in every heart beat and he is so so  _sorry_. 

He can’t look Tony in the eyes for fear that he will see that Peter is guilty and selfish and jealous. That he desperately,  _desperately_ wants what that little baby is going to be born into.

“Kid?”

Peter hiccups in surprise, wipes frantically at his face.

“What are you doing out here?” Tony asks, settling next to him just like the blanket he drapes over Peter’s shoulders. Then he sees Peter’s face.

“Oh, hey, Petey.” He draws closer, wrapping an arm around Peter’s shoulders and he can’t hold back the sob. “Shh, shh. What’s wrong?”

The words spill out before he can stop them because Tony has always had that effect on him. “I wanted to see the view one last time.”

Tony’s hand rubbing his arm stills. 

_Here it comes._

_“_ Are we moving?” Tony asks, half-surprise, half-amusement. “I know I’ve been stressed but I think I would remember if Pepper told me that.”

Peter just sobs again, curling into Tony’s side. 

“Ok, no jokes, I can do that.” Tony immediately murmurs, wrapping his arms around Peter. “Please don’t cry, buddy.”

Tony mutters soothing phrases into Peter’s hair until he’s no longer at risk of passing out. 

“Talk to me, kiddo,” he finally says. “Cause I admit you’re kind of scaring me here.”

Peter doesn’t want to tell him, but Tony deserves to know what a horrible person Peter is before he sends him off for good.

“It’s just hard,” Peter finally stammers, tears still dripping down his cheeks. It’s even harder to say when Tony is looking at him like that, when he’s wiping Peter’s tears away with his sleeve. “Saying goodbye to everything.”

“What are you saying goodbye to, Peter?”

“ _You_.” His voice is strangled, like the weeds have reached his throat.

“Pete–”

“I know you need me to make room for the baby, Mr. Stark. I-I get it, and I’m trying to let you go I really am. You deserve to finally get the family you’ve dreamed about, I’m so  _happy for you–”_

The worst part is that it’s true as much as it isn’t and he can’t say it without weeping.

“Peter, Peter, stop,” Tony is trying to interrupt, but now that he’s started he can’t stop: he’s been ripped open and the hurt is laid bare and it is all of him. 

“You and Pepper are the best parents any kid could want and I know it’s selfish but I just keep thinking that I’m a kid too and  _I_ want you. And for a while I thought you wanted me, too, but–”

Tony covers Peter’s mouth with his hand.

“Peter, stop. Just listen for a second, buddy, alright?” He moves his hand, cupping Peter’s cheek with it. “You’re right, you are a kid. You’re  _my kid_. Of course I want you. I could never just stop wanting you, just cast you away now that I’ve got my own baby. How could you think that?”

Peter’s eyes well with tears again and Tony shakes his head.

“Don’t answer. Peter, the only family I’ve dreamed about is one where you’re there to be a big brother to my little girl.” 

Peter stills. “Big… brother?” he whispers.

“Yeah, kiddo. We’ve already got you like… matching shirts and everything. I’ve been calling you that for months, have you seriously never heard me?”

Peter gapes, so shocked his tears finally dry up. He shakes his head.

Tony chuckles, pulling Peter toward him and hugging him fiercely. “That’s my fault, I guess. I should have sat you down and talked to you about it. That’s what dads are supposed to do, right?”

“You’re not a dad yet,” Peter says quietly, trying to joke. 

Tony looks almost offended. “Of course I am. I’ve got you, haven’t I?”

Peter nods, mute.

“And you’re going to take care of your little sister, aren’t you?”

Happiness rushes up from his toes, filling his chest, killing the weeds and roots still clinging to him.

“I promise,” he swears fervently.

Tony smiles. “That’s my boy.”


End file.
